Acrophobia
by JacarandaTrees
Summary: Jumping was the hardest part. After that the falling would just happen. It would just happen, and he would get to see what was underneath the clouds.
1. To Climb

A/N: Hey all! I'm back with "Acrophobia." I posted the first two chapters of this on FanFiction a while back, but at that time I was feeling that it just wasn't done yet, so I took a break to work on it. Now it's officially done and you guys can read it! Hooray!

I don't own anything.

So, last but not least, enjoy this small first chapter of "Acrophobia."

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**Acrophobia, Chapter 1**

At lunch they shared a medium pizza with ham and pineapple. She said that the food was really good at Cugino's and he smiled and said that he'd have to take her word for it. When the waiter brought their meal, he grabbed a piece and took a bite and thought that, yes, it was one of the best he'd ever eaten.

The conversation was a flurry of "so, how did you get this job?" and "how long have you lived in Scranton?" At first it seemed like simple small talk between new co-workers, but as the meal progressed they dove into deeper and more interesting subjects, such as Dwight and office pranks.

It wasn't until she said the word _fiancée _that he stopped smiling.

"_What?_"

Her hand lifted and she said_, "I'm engaged."_

His face fell for a second, the edges of his lips turning down and his eyes stuck on the diamond ring. But then he regained some composure, and as a half-hearted smile played across his features he said, _"Oh, that's great. Who is he?"_

Roy Anderson: big, surly, a borderline alcoholic and a Dunder Mifflin warehouse worker.

She told him stories of her engagement and her soon-to-be husband. He nodded and slowly ate another slice of pizza, thinking that, _strange, _it had no taste anymore.

And right then, in his mind, he saw a mountain.

In his mind, he started to climb.

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A/N: Yes, it's short, but I needed to include this scene just to get things rolling.

I'll update with the next chapter soon. Thanks and please review!


	2. On the Side of a Mountain

A/N: Here's chapter 2. Thanks to all of those who read chapter 1, and a special thanks to Clio195 for reviewing. :)

I still don't own anything.

Enjoy!

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**Acrophobia, Chapter 2**

This is what would happen:

She would smile at him, her eyes crinkling, and he would get goosebumps up and down his arms. If she'd say something even a _little _flirtatious, he'd get short of breath and the room would spin. If she casually brushed her hand across his shoulder or even gave him a high hive, suddenly the air would be a different consistency and his heart would beat wildly.

Yes, this was partially because when he was around her he felt giddy, nervous, frustrated, happy, confused, sad … basically the whole love package. But there was something else, too.

Sometimes, when she said or did something particularly engaging, it felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff. Like being perched on a tiny ledge sticking out of the face of a mountain, with the sky stretched out in front of him.

He imagined that behind him, there was the vertical rock wall, the side of the mountain. In front of him, the ledge cut off suddenly and beyond it was a drop so vast that he couldn't see the bottom through the clouds.

It took him three long years to get stranded on that little rock ridge. Over time he just kept climbing, not realizing that there was no way he was going back down, unless he wanted to fall. And one day, when he couldn't possibly love her any more than he already did, he got to a little plateau in the rock, and he had been there ever since.

He didn't have much choice in the matter. He couldn't successfully climb back down the way he came. It was impossible to keep climbing upwards. All he could do was, one day, step off the edge of the cliff and tell her how he felt. Only after he mustered the courage to leap would he know what happened next.

Mostly he supposed that he would plummet, unwanted and rejected, to the ground below.

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A/N: Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are b-e-a-utiful, and I'll update again as soon as possible.


	3. Hope

A/N: Time for chapter 3! This one is really, really short. I'm finding out now that I have a thing for short chapters. Huh.

I don't own anything.

Enjoy!

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**Acrophobia, Chapter 3**

One time, in a Chili's parking lot, she had asked if he would be willing to answer a question.

"_Hey, um … can I ask you a question?"_

His fingertips tingled and his heart sped up. She sounded oddly serious, drunk as she was. Thinking this, he felt a twinge of something like hope in his stomach.

If she said something first, then maybe …

In his mind, he stood up on the little rock cliff and stepped forward so his toes were just touching the edge. He stared out at the clouds, and down towards the invisible ground.

"_Shoot."_

There was a pause as she stared at him. He stared right back. Her smile faded. So did his.

They each waited for the other to say something. Finally she decided on something, and she swept her endearingly curly hair away from her face as she took a breath.

The part of him that was on the cliff lifted its foot over the edge. His toes touched air.

"_Um … I just wanted to say thanks."_

He stood still, surprised, for a second.

Well, that's what hope will do to you if you're not careful.

In his mind he had already pulled his foot back and stumbled to the corner of his little ledge, where it was farthest away from the drop.

"_Hm," he smiled faintly, "that's not really a question."_

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A/N: Just keep on reading/reviewing and I'm happy. Thanks!


	4. Swaying Isn't Dancing

A/N: Here it is. Chapter 4. Enjoy!

I _still _don't own anything.

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**Acrophobia, Chapter 4**

"_Some might even say that we had _our _first date last night."_

"_Oh, really?"_

"_Really."_

"_Why might some say that?"_

That one day. That one day, he had gone too far.

They were talking about Michael and Jan, jokingly using names from Threat Level: Midnight, Michael's sad attempt at a movie script. Then something about the way she looked today, or the mood he was in, drove him to step up to the edge and mention the date-like quality that their dinner held the night before.

After he said it he knew that this was a dangerous place to be in. Sometimes he didn't trust himself to keep his secret. He could see that if he didn't pay attention, he could accidentally let something slip that would send him tumbling off his little ledge. He didn't want that kind of involuntary fate.

"_Cause it was dinner. By candlelight." He said carefully. "Dinner and a show if you include Michaels movie. And there was … dancing and fireworks." He paused, staring at her. "Pretty good date."_

He chose his words as carefully as possible, but his stomach twisted with the worry that he may have tipped her off without knowing it.

In his mind, he looked down over the edge. The drop was positively roaring now, waiting to swallow him up. Waiting.

"_We didn't dance."_

At her words, he felt something other than anxiety bubble up inside of him. It slowly spread itself throughout his body, and he found himself getting confused and disoriented.

"_You're right, we didn't dance. It was more like … swaying. But still romantic."_

_She paused, and then looked at him like she was sorry she had to break the bad news._

"_Swaying isn't dancing."_

Oh. Well then.

His heart constricted with pain and he felt the hurt poor over him. It radiated. It came off him in nearly visible waves.

Why was she looking at him that way? Like a mother that had to tell her son that Santa wasn't real? It was the "sorry to rain on your parade" look. He had seen it before.

Her expression said: "Sorry to rain on your parade, but swaying isn't dancing. It isn't romantic, it isn't symbolic, it isn't _anything_. And that wasn't a date. It's not a date, _never _a date, if the girl goes home to her fiancée. Right?"

He backed away from the edge of the cliff, throwing his arms in the air. There was no way he could jump right now. Not after that. Not after she had made it so clear that she wasn't even considering him, in any way, at all.

That one day. That was the day he became afraid of heights.

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A/N: That moment always made me really sad for Jim. Sigh. Anyway, go on and hit the review button.


	5. Finding a Loophole

A/N: All right, here's Chapter 5. Thanks for all of your reviews! I really appreciate it.

I _still _don't own anything.

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**Acrophobia, Chapter 5**

Once, he tried to climb down the cliff.

He decided that outright telling her, positively _leaping _over the edge, would be too quick. He'd fall too fast. So, he wrote his feelings down in a Christmas card instead. That way, she would read it instead of hear it, and maybe that would slow the fall.

As soon as she picked up the box with her Christmas present in it, he could feel himself sit down on his little ledge and swing his legs out over the drop.

She opened the box and pulled out a green teapot.

"_Oh my God! Thank you very much, Santa, whoever you are." She made a point of looking at him. "It's awesome."_

He was already smiling, proud that he had gotten her a gift that she liked. Really, though, he was everything: happy, anxious, delighted, energized, reassured … scared to death.

The part of him that was high up in the air inched over the edge, his foot swinging around looking for a foothold.

"_There's … a little more to it." He said, gesturing to the card._

But she didn't see him.

After that the Christmas party went very wrong, in a way that made his palms sweat and his vision blur. His boss, on some unknown whim, switched the gift receivers and their presents around so that nobody got their own gift.

He was already terrified that someone else would read the card intended for her. What would he _do_ if that happened? He would have to tell her before somebody else tried to. That meant jumping.

But then a chance came for her to get her teapot back. He felt his heart thud and his grip tighten on the rock ledge. All she had to do was say that she wanted the teapot and then reach out to grab the box …

"_I want the iPod."_

The iPod? A different gift altogether?

His foot desperately tapped against the rock, searching for some kind of foothold. If he could just lower himself down enough, maybe he could keep himself from slipping.

"_Are you sure you don't want the teapot?"_

He was frantic. If she didn't take it now, he'd have to actually _tell_ her later.

But, to his disbelief, there it was again, so plain on her face that his stomach dropped. The "sorry to rain on your parade" look.

"_I mean … it's an iPod," she said._

The world spun. He was losing his balance, and if he didn't get that teapot back to her soon, he would have to release his hold on the ledge altogether.

The rest of the party was spent worrying, pacing, and trying to take the teapot back from an idiot coworker. But his colleague would not give it back, even when he offered to buy it from him.

He lost all hope, and finally went to talk to her, to _tell_ her. The emptiness underneath him seemed to expand.

"_You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party." He said. "Just thought you should know."_

_She laughed. "No, I was just, um … checking out my present."_

Imagine his surprise when she pulled out the teapot from under her desk.

He grinned, shocked, and at that moment his toe touched a small outcropping sticking out of the rock beneath him. A foothold.

Using that foothold, he could have started to climb down. He could have told her to look at the card, to read it carefully, to understand what he was trying to say. But he didn't. Instead, he reached out and grabbed the unopened card, making sure that she didn't see him put it in his pocket. In his mind, he hoisted himself back up onto the little rock ridge and walked away from the edge, running his hands through his hair.

Climbing wasn't a good idea. Even from the beginning he knew that he didn't have a choice in the matter. It was all or nothing, and trying to find a loophole was foolish of him.

He pressed his back up against the rock wall and looked out over the sky.

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A/N: There you go. Hope you enjoyed it! If so, go on and hit that review button.


	6. Waves and Water

A/N: Time for Chapter 6!

Thank you to all the people who reviewed. I'm so sorry I haven't had time to reply to them … if I get a spare moment, it's the first thing I'll do.

I don't own anything.

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**Acrophobia, Chapter 6**

Here's a fact for you: waves and water made it hard for him to stay on the face of the mountain.

"_It's getting kind of rowdy down there."_

"_Yeah. Darryl, Darryl, Darryl."_

The cold breeze ruffled his hair. The ship rocked gently.

"_Sometimes … I just don't _get _Roy."_

His heart skipped a beat as she leaned against the railing to face him. He looked around. They were alone on the deck of a small cruise ship, with nothing but the stars and Lake Wallenpaupack to listen to them.

His mind registered that it was good timing. The drop was pretty much _inviting _him to jump. He hesitantly stood up and made his way over to the edge.

_He clicked his tongue and said, "Well …"_

In his mind, he closed his eyes, frustrated by what he couldn't have, scared witless at his only chance to get it. He lifted his hand and touched the air that was over the edge.

"_I mean … I don't know."_

What did she not know about? About marrying her lousy fiancée? Was she … reconsidering?

The part of him that was on the rock ridge bent its knees.

"_So. What's it like dating a cheerleader?"_

Her words took him by surprise and he chuckled, still mentally preparing, still tasting the air, making sure it was right. It was. This moment didn't feel like all the others. He almost felt like, if he jumped now, he might _not_ plummet hopelessly to the ground.

He'd rehearsed the words, the jump, a thousand times. A million times.

I love you. I'm in love with you.

He tentatively stepped over the edge of his little rock cliff and started to fall.

But as he stared at her, at the hopeful expression on her face, he realized he couldn't do it. No. He was terrified. Tongue-tied. He couldn't force the words out. He couldn't function right.

He threw his arms up over his head and caught the very end of the ledge, stopping his fall, hanging by his fingertips.

Silence. He counted fourteen seconds.

I love you. I'm in love with you.

The more observant side of him was chanting in the back of his head.

_Say it say it say it say it say it say it say it say it._

Twenty-seven seconds. He saw her shiver as a cool breeze came in off the water. He held onto the edge desperately.

"_I'm cold …" she said._

And she walked away.

He watched her open the door and descend the steps. A few more seconds passed.

In his mind, he silently pulled himself up onto the ledge and staggered over to the far corner, as far from the edge as he could get.

In reality, he leaned against the railing and tried to remember how to breathe.

It would have worked this time. She would have said yes, to an extent, if he were smart enough to actually _say _something. The moment didn't feel like all the others. It didn't. If he'd jumped, he wouldn't have fallen.

Later, when he tried again to say those well-rehearsed words, her fiancée got on the microphone and set a date for their wedding. She looked so happy that, again, he couldn't go through with it.

I love you. I'm in love with you.

Too late.

The words were lost now. Lost before they could even reach his lips.

On the rock ledge, he pushed his back up against the wall behind him and slid down to sit. He wrapped his arms around his knees and bowed his head into the fabric of his sleeves. And there, on his lonely, isolated mountain, he cried quietly for the rest of the night, his tears mixing with the waves and water of Lake Wallenpaupack.


	7. To Fall

A/N: The final chapter.

I don't own anything.

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**Acrophobia, Chapter 7**

In spring, when it felt as if his heart had been sucked dry and it hurt to move because of the pain, he approached her in the parking lot.

"_Hey … don't try to lose too much money, all right? We still want a honeymoon."_

He smiled to himself as he walked closer. Roy Anderson: big, surly, a borderline alcoholic and a Dunder Mifflin warehouse worker. He hadn't changed a bit.

_She nodded and waved as the truck started to pull away. "Bye!"_

The dress she wore was beautiful, the purple-blue material sparkling in the starlight. He watched her fiancée drive around the corner, promising to keep an eye on her, and stuck his hands in his pockets.

As he came to stand closer to her, he was once again reminded that he had nothing, _nothing_ left. He used to get dizzy and giddy when he was around her, a whole assortment of emotions coursing through his body all at once. But now … all that was there was a sad, empty sensation, and an assortment of bad feelings that made him feel like his whole life was falling apart around her.

No one could live this high up on a mountain for so long. The air was thin, making it hard for him to breathe. The wind was cold and the devastating drop before him was petrifying. Sleeping was out of the question. Food had no taste.

He had run out of ideas, excuses and opportunities.

"_Hey, uh … can I talk to you about something?"_

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He would get to hear the wind whistle past his ears, he would get to feel the air ruffle his sleeves as gravity pulled him towards the ground. And he was sure that the terrifying feeling of losing everything would be better than what he was going through now.

That knowledge didn't make this any easier. His chest was still tight and he still couldn't breathe.

Somewhere outside his mind, away from the little rock ridge, he could hear her teasing him about losing at poker. He slowly shook his head at what she was saying, and she quieted, waiting.

Pam Beesly was looking at him expectantly, rocking back and forth on her heels and giving him chills.

I love you. I'm in love with you.

This time the words wouldn't get lost.

He counted two seconds. The jumping was the hardest part. As soon as that was over with, the falling would just happen. It would just happen and he would plummet quietly to the ground and soon it would be over.

So, with that thought firmly in mind, he stepped up to the edge of the little rock cliff, his toes sticking out over the top. He wasn't going to try to climb down, and he wasn't going to fling his arms up to catch himself.

He bent his knees. He wasn't going to retreat back to the wall of the mountain this time, either.

He spread his arms. No more waiting. No more breathing the cold, merciless mountain air.

Finally, _finally_ he would get to see what was underneath the clouds.

He took a breath.

"_I was just …"_

And with that, Jim Halpert gathered all of the courage he had left, looked into the eyes of the woman he loved, and leaped.

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A/N: And that's it! Thank you so much to my readers/reviewers.

And I'll be back soon, don't worry. I already have another story is progress, so I'll see you guys then.


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